I got SOAKED!!!

Well, not literally soaked. We had another home group night this week (last week we prophecied over eachother) and soaked. We were just having an encounter with Jesus and journaling what happened to us.
So, I lay there praying a bit and decided that I would try an "exercise" that we learned from a lady at school. It's called "the sanctified imagination." I said I will just imagine You Lord and be open to the Spirits influence. The song we were listening to said, "... come to the well" and so I did. I imagined myself coming to a well and on the other side of the well was a big hill. I thought, 'I'll imagine Jesus coming down that hill to me now...' but the Spirit redirected me and instead I saw Jesus hand on my shoulder already. He was with me all along. I turned and saw His joyful expression as He pushed me down the well! I fell for a bit and hit some water but when I came up out of the water I wasn't in a well, I was in a great big lake. I felt intense joy at that moment and began to laugh (in my physical body). I felt the Spirit say that this was the lake of joy inside of me, I thought it was as small as the well but it's much bigger. I noticed Jesus on the shore laughing too so I went to Him. My intention was to gt out of the lake and be "buddy buddy" with Jesus but the Spirit showed me my true posture. I was bowed reverently at His feet and just like on the mount of transfiguration Jesus touched me and said, "It's Me." I stood and saw His joy for me and He said, "Come, I want to show you The Father." So, I acctually stepped into Jesus' body like the matrix and I then found myself in the throne room. I saw my Father and Jesus standing at His side saying come on. I walked to Him as far as I could but then stopped.. He looked compassionate and loving. I said, "I am afraid to come closer." I wanted to. (this was a very real and open moment for me because I have been dealing with heart issues that keep me closed off from people and even worse, from my Father) He knelt beside His throne and despelled the lie I believed about Him by telling me that He isn't mad at me for being afraid and He loves me always. I almost decided to go back to the lake to be filled with the feeling of joy because I perceived that God was allowing me to go. But, I decided to stay and be in the throne room as close as possible. (the end)
That was a fun time. It is progress because I couldn't really picture my Father not to long ago and now I am in the throne room!
Another fun thing this week is that I received a prophetic drawing (the church is passionate about taking the Kingdom into all facets of society including art, science, media, music, business, government and etc.). The drawing was of a man standing around bayes of hale and that man was me. It symbolized that I was to come in as the harvest was being reaped (the harvest of souls) and that I would go find all the scrapes and unwanted materials that fell to the wayside (The people that are left and broken and scattered around. The ones who are difficult to reach) and I would bundle them up. It was also about joy. This task would be wearisome and a burden to most people but that it would be full of joy for me.
I thought that was a spot on word for me... what do you think?

Kiss Chasers.....

You thought I was going to bring some message about us being kiss chasers with God didn't you? Well, important as that is, I am going to acctually talk about a home group we began going to last night called "kiss chasers." It is led by second year students one whom I roomed with at our retreat week named Sam. We began by just going around the room sharing about ourselves and getting comfortable with each other. At the end the second year students began to pray and prophecy encouraging words over us, so that was fun. While Sam was prophecying over me he spoke a word that my time of being hidden in the cleft of the rock with God will end and I will be released to pour out into others in more powerful ways, also that he percieved that I had a passion for revelation through God's written word (which I do love) but that I should be prepared to hear and experience God in new ways with His Spirit and that I have a fathers heart for others, that I will raise up young believers to know God's love. I loved these words and when he said, "fathers heart" a memory flashed through my head of David Paluski months ago prophecying, "God is going to grow you up quickly because there are a lot of people He needs you to take care of"and also a man here named Frank spoke a word that I have a fathers heart a couple weeks ago! So, as Sam prayed I felt The Spirit impress on me, "Joel." I said, "What?" Then He said, "Ask Sam to laugh over you." So I asked Sam to laugh over me and he did so, violently and then he brushed my back saying, "I brush off all limitations, no limits!" and I felt things shift in my spirit and joy being released... it felt great. So I then asked about Joel, "I heard the name Joel, does that mean anything to you?" He started laughing again and said, "Yes, I've been looking at you all night thinking of how much you remind me of my good friend Joel back home (in England). So, all in all, it was a good night and I am feeling happy.

Re-Soiling My Heart

"As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience."

I read this passage recently and began to ask The Lord to give me a heart that is full of good soil; a heart that is pure and honest before my King. I have been looking back on my relationship with my Lord and all the goodness that I have found in Him and all the revelation that He has given me and have been realizing how much I have taken it all for granted. It seems that I am in a process of re-soiling my heart so God can spread the seeds of revelation again.
I remember the time that I realized God's desire for an intimate relationship with us and that He has empowered us to pursue Him and to find Him. I remember that God showed me how openley He spoke with His prophets and through them to His people and that today He has torn the veil so that the pathways of communion would be opened to us all through His Holy Spirit.
I received these revelations with an open and glad heart and experienced a change inside of me. There's an expression here at Bethel that says, "Revelation is meant to move us into encounter..." After my revelation I began to move into an encounter of the fruit of the revelation and through that was born a desire for intimacy. I was rocked with a desire to "know" God and experience His love and goodness as a friend, and for a time I reaped the fruits of the seed... "And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature."
I realized recentely that I didn't continue to cultivate my heart and keep the soil strong and fertile and I didn't continue to press into new depths of the revelations which would result in the maturing of the fruit (the encounter) of the revelation.
I also have had a revelation of why I was to not publicy lead worship but to pursue deeper levels of worship in private. Bill Johnson talks about spiritual inheritance and the principle behind it is that the celienge of generation past should become our floor today. But for generations that hasn't happened. So, what Bill is doing here is equiping the church and imparting all of the spiritual breakthrough that he has "contended" for to us to make into our floor. He says that it's easy to come under the anointing of others and "ride the wave" of their authority or power; that we should see almost immediate breakthrough for the things we are being equiped for only because we are "riding the wave." So, we must really press into the breakthroughs here and earn them in our private times with God. We must sacrifice something in order to take the breakthrough with us when we leave. Now, while I heard this being taught one time, I realized that back home I would lead worship in a group setting and the anointing and passion would fall easily upon me and out of that place I would worship God... but when I became alone (after a while of having an un-cultivated heart) I would not have the same experience and it bugged me. I was riding the wave of others passion for God and their desire to worship Him and because I didn't press into a spiritual breakthrough in private with God I wasn't able to carry it into those private times. So, I am re-cultivating my heart and pressing into spiritual breakthrough that I will have an authority to carry with me no matter where I go.

Tip-Toe-Ing For Unity

Iron sharpens iron is what the good book says... but we seem to either avoid the delicate (and maybe uncomfortable) process of being sharpened and remain dull or we feel so sharp already that we want to cut our opposing "iron" into two defeated pieces.
I have encountered numerous occassions in which politics and theological viewpoints become a topic that are met with the phrase, "thems are fighten words." It can be a most difficult thing to allow someone elses view of the truth affect your own because we are easily arrogant enough to think that we have it all figured out. And so, instead of going through the uncomfortable process of sharpening eachothers knowledge and understanding of the truth, we tip-toe around these topics and doctrines that need to be exposed to the light.
So (speaking to me also) let's get over ourselves please and learn to disagree well, let's see that we don't know anything, and let's learn how to find truth together with the Spirit.

rib cage... or cage of ribs?

man... it's been difficult for me to come on here and share what's inside of me. I am so closed off from everything in such a weird way. It seems that I have no control over how I am able to express myself most of the time, as if all my desires and emotions, all the things that I know would be the right way to go about acting or reacting are locked up inside of me behind a cage of ribs and flesh like stone. I can sometimes hear the faint cry of the Spirit trying to help me free them, to turn these stones into flesh again so that these spiritual things can seep back through my pores and penetrate my life... but a louder voice easily disarms the work of the former and my mouth stays sealed up and my pores remain a prison.
When I was in Guatemala I was so easily moved by the Spirit and all of this became more accesible in a way. Not for any reason that has been changed by geography, but by the condition of my heart at all times. It's a good thing to come to our senses again to regain focus on what's important and become a soft vessel for God to work with... but when it comes and goes just as easily, our ground isn't solid is it? When I was in Panimaquin my purpose was clear and my heart and mind were focused on that purpose (not to say that I succeeded valiantly), to please God. I made myself availiable and did not have many distractions... that loud voice faded away on that mountain. Again, geography; not the issue. When we are focused soley on pleasing God, the sense of the Spirit becomes hightened and in that way we resist the devil. Resisting the devil isn't a battle that we have to fight one on one because trust me, if we try to fight him off in order to focus on the heart of God, he will take us down. Our first task in resisting the "enemy" is placing our focus on our heavenly Father and turning our back to the devil... and though we seem defenseless in this position we must understand that Jesus is our defense. Picture a line drawn on the ground (probably drawn by Jesus... in sidewalk chalk... He likes to do that sometimes) and the devil is trying to come attack us... but he can't cross the line. He will shout curses and lies and try to build up our flesh to distract us so that we stop focusing of God and cross over to his side for a little fight, and when we do this, when we cross over into his territory to give him a bloody nose and our focus isn't on God anymore we begin to fall prey to his temptations. We only need to stay on our side of the line and turn our attention to God and when we do this, the enemy's voice is silenced.
May we make it our aim to always please God in everything we do... even if we begin to look a little crazy, because "if we are beside ourselves it's for His sake." I want to release the Spirit in my life to lead me out of my own captivity and into the freedom of the spiritual life we have been given by God. I am tired of shrinking back in the crucial moments that arise at unexpected times and leave me in despair. I am tired of hurting the closest friend I have just because she's so near to the real me. I am tired of seeing hopelessness and opportunities for God's light to shine but turning away because of more "important" things. I want to be undevided in my pursuit of pleasing my Father, so His Spirit can set me apart from my own ways and not one of these stones will be left standing.

After We Die... ?

Some people ask, "What is this life all about, so full of strife."
Some people say they hope real life truly begins after we die... after we die

Some people look into the mirror at night, they see their pain and start to cry
Some people look through tears and cry for the pain we daily fight

Oh this life, Oh this life has begun
Oh there's life, All this life in Jesus

Some people walk down the road aimlessly, nowhere to go
Some people walk through this life looking for hope in after we die... after we die

Some people join hand in hand and side by side finally stand
Some people give the life they hold and find anew this love we've been told

There is no life apart from Christ
Living is dying to your sin and to your flesh
Love is the ultimate weapon to slay ourselves
So God give us compassion that peirces our hearts and inside we'll find...

Oh this life, Oh this life has begun
Oh there's life, All this life in Jesus


new song... may change slightly. Pretty self explanitory I think. This world is full of hopeless people who are trying to find the answer... trying to find "the way". Not only am I speaking of those who are not walking in salvation but also those who think that their salvation is only a means to an end and in the next life we will truly live. Jesus came to give us life and life more abundant... what is that life? Do we think that it is a life of riches or even a life of never going hungry because of the Lord's provision? Do we think it's a life of being set higher than those who don't believe and detesting their sinful lives? Do we think that it's a life of being comfortable or being blessed with our dream job that helps us feel fulfilled? Is it a life that is centered on our own needs or our own good? If this is the abundant life, than I feel that the Apostle Paul may have missed out on all of this abundance. Jesus came to give us a new abundant and eternal life that starts now... this day, and it's not about us. This new life is one of love and the good of others. It's laying down our lives for others and finding Christ's life in its place... and it begins now!

come together (a guatemalan tale)

OH Boy! It's been a week back from guatemala and I really miss it!
I've already said some stuff about this trip and I don't want to be a bore but I think more can be said...
One thing to be said is that since I have been back, Panimaquin and the people there have been on my heart every day. Everyone there had a impact in some way on me, From the humility and kindness of pastor Lazaro, the warm heart of Mario, down to the cute and adorable smile of little Glendy (I think I want to adopt a little guatemalan girl). Even with the limited spanish most of us were able to speak to the people in, relationships were built and we were shown such acceptance, and the awesome thing is that this was coming out of a cultural back ground where the village we stayed with and the village right next door hated eachother not to long ago because of the fact that the other village wasn't indigenious to the region. But because of the grace of God working in these peoples lives a lot of these rivalries and issues are being healed. So we, gringos, were welcomed into the fellowship of these believers and shown honor because there was a sense that our connection was deeper than nationality and that our bond ran deeper than our own blood... we are a family, one body, brought together by the love of one God. I can't wait to learn more spanish and return to panimaquin more times to build relationships with the people even better and hopefully impart some spirit of change in these beautiful people just as they have done to me.
our bond runs deeper than bloodlines and cannot be stopped by borderlines. let's tear down the fences put up around our minds and join the family of humanity that is brought together within the broken body of Christ.

More Guatemala

Well, it has been a few days since my last post and that is sad because that means I´m closer to going home. I´ll start this off by saying that in the last few days I have been pretty severely sick to my stomach for about a day and I´m just getting over a throat sickness, which drew has been dealing with a worse case of... and I can still say that I will miss this place.
Since my last post a lot has happened, and I will tell it in sporadic order.
We all went to Antigua which is a pretty nice city (nice for Guatemala) and had a good time walking through the market and trying some fruit that I´ve never had before, it was delicious. We all got our own little nick-nack but the real fun was in seeing the environment throughout the city which is nothing like the US. The reality is that as we walked through I couldn´t help but be grieved for the people who were begging in the street, disfigured or handicaped most of the time. Other times the people were just begging us to buy their blankets or flutes or bracelets that they made with their own hands. The need that these people have is great and grievious because of the fact that we didn´t have enough to be able to give to these people, there were so many, it hurt to walk by feeling unable to make any difference to them. I will say that a couple kids on the street tugged on my heart strings. I bought some bracelets from a small boy who was being bullied and pushed out of the way by other kids selling on the street. I wanted him to feel noticed. Another boy, who sat with us and spoke decent english, was a shoe shiner and since I was wearing sandals I had no need of a shine. But I wanted to show him a form of love that he probably never sees to often and so we paid him to let me shine his shoes (he had to show me the ropes... but I got it).
Also, we have had a great time on this mountain. Just being with the people is such a blessing and I hope to come back to see them in the future. There is such great need here... and to think that this kind of brokeness spreads across the world is a sobering thought. A life that effects someone else´s life by showing them love and acceptance and caring for their physical needs.. just being a servant of all is the most worthy life there can be. Although it is tiring.
We´ve been out in the small forest chopping roots and pulling up tree stumps just about every day and doing what we can to help out.
But my favorite things have been being with the people and playing with the children. Every hug or smile that I recieve is refreshing here in a wondrous way. I fall more in love with all the people here with each passing day. God is speaking on this mountain and we are listening... but the great revelation is how near He is to us always, even in the busy life of being a US citizen. May we be open to the heart of God each day and find new ways to show the world His love for us all. May we listen through the noise and hear Him as though we were on this mountain. I want to know Your ways so that I may know You. Amen.

Here in Guatemala

well, we have now been in guatemala for a night and a half of today. It has been great! This place is truly wonderful from the breath taking scenery on this mountain down to our new friends we have made here.
Honestly though, apart from being surrounded by beauty, I feel dumb when spoken to in espanol. At the airport, here in Guatemala,we went through customs. Alicia and myself were approached by one of the customs agents and asked (in spanish) something or the other.... and my mouth hung open with no words to come out. And this ensued for the rest of last night. Today I have succeeded in more mouth hanging but also have been able to get out some spanish that I learned in high school and at work (with mexicans), I expect that by the end of the two weeks I will be doing much better, especially with the natives teaching me as they are.
So, this morning we had a devotion (also one last night that I really enjoyed) and ate breakfast. Afterwards we walked around and checked the place out better and were able to take a walk up the mountain that panimaquin rests upon. We were accompanied by a real cool guy named Mario whom I was able to speak with on a limited basis. Being a born and bred Florida boy, I became winded fairly quickly because of the high altitude and incline on which we were walking but it was well worth it because the veiws are amazing. Once on top of the mountain we had a prayer time and I felt that God was so real and so much bigger than I have imagined and yet still so close to our hearts, which makes me feel that much more loved. Our great God who is beyond all we could want or imagine still comes to us and makes His home within us... it's a good feeling to be pursued and wanted even in our unworthiness.
I will update again soon enough... te amo me famalia.

supposed to be packing...

Oh boy! I guess this is my first post and just saying that you can now read my ordinary thoughts of life and hopefully some sort of insight into more important matters of the heart. I'm supposed to packing right now for the move so don't tell alexis that I'm blogging instead... yikes! Excited about going to guatemala and being a part of how the Lord is moving there; I know that it will be an awesome experience. Peace.